Name
by Nigihayami Haruko
Summary: Haku never forgot his promise but it takes Chihiro to remind him of the strength of love. Sometimes, all you need is just one person to believe in you. Just one person, and a miracle may just happen.
1. Chapter I : Name

**Disclaimer: If Spirited Away belonged to me, I'd share it with the whole world! But since it doesn't, please don't sue me!**  
**  
Name**  
  
'I promise.'  
  
She held onto my hand tightly despite my pushing her away. This was the moment she's been waiting for. The moment where she regains her freedom from Yubaba. Why didn't she run like I asked her to? Was there something holding her back? _Was it...? _  
  
Hope welled up in me, maybe... Maybe this is the moment I've been waiting for. My chance to tell her all those things I've been wanting to tell her...  
  
My mouth opened but the words never made it out because she smiled. Did she know that all I needed to shut me up was the gentle tilt of her lips?   
  
I was mesmerized.   
  
She turned away, running. Running to her world, her world with her friends, her family, her new life, a world without me. It was only when the lack of her warmth registered in my brain, that I realized I never told her all I wanted to say.  
  
**_And even though the moment passed me by  
I still can't turn away  
_**  
I brought my hand up to my face, breathing in deeply the remaining scent. -Her- scent. I held onto it for as long as I could, knowing that it was all I had left of her now making me desperate to hold onto this feeling in my heart.   
  
Turning away, I walked back to the bath house, back to the life that was mine. That same life that was hers for awhile. I would have shared it with her forever – if forever existed, and if she would allow me to.   
  
As a gentle wing blew pass me, tickling my hair, I wondered. _What would her life be like now?_  
  
**_I saw the dreams you never though you'd lose  
Tossed along the way  
And the letters that you never meant to send  
Lost or blown away  
_**  
The clouds drifted pass me as I stretched my taut body, gliding through the wind. I hid in the cover of the darkness, making sure that no one would see me. Although I knew they couldn't. Reflexes were hard to change, and habits difficult to break. But one habit I broke was the one habit she changed. _She gives you a life._ That old and tired voice in my head said. The voice that missed her, the voice that I had tried to quell very often. Once again, I ignored it as I had done so many times before. Hope was not a luxury I could indulge in these days. I had a mission, and I shouldn't let my thoughts stray.   
  
Today, I was going to see her.   
  
**_And now we've grown up orphans I never knew their names  
We don't belong to no one that's a shame  
You could hide beside me  
Maybe for awhile  
And I won't tell no one your name..  
And I won't tell no one your name_**  
  
The streetlights shone brightly, illuminating the world she lived in. I looked around, hoping that she would be out tonight, so I could see her. But all there was, was just people striding purposefully to their destination. _Where was I going? Where was she? _  
  
I don't know.  
  
I continued walking aimlessly, maybe she moved already, maybe she was never here, maybe she forgot. Shaking my head stubbornly, I refused to believe that. No, not after the way she badgered me for a promise, not after the way she smiled at me, not after the way she held my hand, not after the way she changed my life.   
  
_Where is she?_  
  
**_The scars are souvenirs you'll never lose  
The past is never far  
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?  
Did you get to be a star?  
And don't it make you sad to know that life  
Is more than who we are?_**  
  
I stood underneath her window, gazing at her visage. Though knowing that she cannot see me, I willed her to acknowledge my presence. "_Going to the human world as a Spirit is not the same as a human coming into our world, young dragon. As a human, she has a 'spirit', so she can be seen here. But as a Spirit, you have no shell, no body, thus, you're like the wind, formless and shapeless_." Zeniba's voice echoed through my thoughts as I looked at her. Zeniba was right. She did not see me. She -could- not see me.   
  
I was to be a Spirit forever, and she, a human. We were to be separated by more than just time, and place. We could not be together just because of who we are. Destined to meet, but not fated to be together.   
  
I clenched my fist as I saw her smiling softly to herself. That smile was no longer for me. As my nails drew blood from my palm, I fell to my knees and choked back a sob. ._Nothing lasts forever_. No promises are strong enough, no feelings steadfast enough to break through the barrier we childishly disregarded.   
  
**_You grew up way too fast  
Now there's nothing to believe  
The re-runs all become our history  
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio  
And I won't tell no one your name  
And I won't tell them your name_**  
  
I stared at her through tear-filled lens with that last strain of hope that she would prove all logic and sorcery wrong, that my love was enough to break that barrier. And though she turned in my direction, I could see no recognition, I could see no hope. She was lost to me forever.   
  
Not being able to see her like that, with no warmth for me, no smile for me, I collapsed on the grass, sobbing like there was no tomorrow. And there wasn't.   
  
I could hear nothing else, but the sound of my cry and the breaking of my heart. Over and over again, I repeated her name, that same name that Yubaba tried to take away from her; that same name I kept telling her to hold onto; that same name I remembered even when I forgot my own.   
  
"Chihiro..."  
  
**_I think about you all the time  
And I don't need the same  
If it's lonely where you are, come back down  
And I won't tell your name_**

**Tsuzuku**

  
Author's note:  
  
This is my first attempt at a Songfic, so please forgive me if it's bad. ^_-;; I just heard this song and it made me think about how the spirits in the spirit world was not allowed to keep their own names, and the line 'I won't tell your name' fitted so well. (okok, at least it fitted well to -me- ok???)   
In case no one knows, this is told from Haku's POV.  
I know that Haku seems to be cold and all, but he is so warm towards Chihiro that I cannot envision him not being like this. Besides, he has been away from her for sometime so just allow him to emote for awhile ok? ^_^   
BTW, for those who are interested, the song 'name' is sung by 'Goo Goo Dolls' go check it out!  
Please Review! m(_)m Onegaishimasu! 


	2. Chapter II: Fool's Corner

Fool's Corner  
  
'I promise.'   
  
His piercing green gaze broke through my defenses, crumbling all coherent thoughts into dust, making me smile as I held onto his hand. He had that effect on me, making my lips curve every time I looked at him. It was as though the world was so much brighter and happier just because he was there. _And it was_. It always is if he's there.   
  
That's why I didn't want to let go. I gripped his hand a little tighter than I normally did, just looking at him, memorizing his features. Memorizing the way his emerald eyes seem to sparkle in the sunlight and the way his hair gently shifts with the movement of the wind. Who knows when I'll have such pleasure once more?  
  
I turn away, running down the path that I once trod unwillingly. Once more, I tread on them, equally, if not more, unwilling than before. Last time, I had childish fears and petty apprehension pulling me back. This time, there was friendship, experiences, lessons weighing on me as I resist the urge to look back once more.   
  
Reaching that old, worn amusement park, I allowed myself once last sigh as I walked through the gate back home.  
  
"Sayonara, minna."  
  
**_I'm passing through the doorway now,   
Everything is upside down_**  
  
"Ogina-san! Can you please pay attention!"  
  
The teacher shouted at me for the umpteenth time amidst the wave of giggles that accompanied her outburst. I know that it's time I settled down and give her _some_ attention, but it really wasn't my fault that the view outside was so distracting, right? If the school didn't want the students' thoughts to wander, why did they have a koi pond right outside the classroom anyway?  
  
I suppose the teacher knew that I was a lost cause, but she tried nonetheless, to divert my attention from the pond. It was a simple pond, not much ornaments or flora, but as a habitat housing just under 10 kois, it was sufficient. Every lunch hour, I would bring some bread to feed them, enjoying the tranquil moment that would be broken once I returned to class.   
  
It was strange, however, as I was never one to enjoy peace and quiet before, very much abhorring the idea of being alone and bored. But somehow, after I returned, many things changed. Whether for the better or not, I cannot say. However, I now loved that pond even secretly naming it after _him_, but no one knows. It makes me feel close to him, like he's back here with me one again. Like nothing has changed. Still, I know that we now have 7 years, many experiences and a world separating us. But I believe that once we meet again, all these would just melt away like it was nothing. Because we have something more than 7 years, more than those experiences, more than a world. We have each other.  
  
"We'll meet again, I don't know how, but we will."  
  
**_The one that I am leaving  
Is the one I'm really trying to find_**  
  
Looking at the purple hair tie in my hand, I held it up to the sky, enjoying the way the light shone on it, making sparkle. It was my favorite accessory. The only one that did not wear on with time, but somehow shone even brighter than before.   
  
Like love.  
  
Love does not disintegrate, it does not wear or tear, does not weaken with time. The longer you love, the stronger it grows, the deeper you feel. The hair tie was more than just a proof of that world. It was my proof that as I live my life everyday, making choices that may be right, or may be wrong, there are people who would support me and love me nonetheless. And that is all that I need to know.   
  
Maybe one day I'll meet them again, maybe not. Who knows? But that emotion buried in the deep recesses of our hearts would never change.   
  
The colors sparkled once more in the rising sun.  
  
**_I'm drifting through the morning breeze,  
Colors blurring in my eyes_**  
  
I woke up. Sitting up, I cradled my head in my hands.   
  
I saw him again... in my dream.   
  
I see him all the time. In my mind when I wake up, in my thoughts as I walk to school, reflected on the pond when I feed the kois, standing beside me as I strolled home, late at night, when I wake from nightmares, comforting me. **I miss him**. That much I know, but I also know that he's inside of me. He's where all my secrets hide, where all my thoughts go to. The feeling of loneliness never encumbered me with him there.   
  
I smiled.  
  
**_The one that I am missing,  
Is the one drifting by my side  
It's so stupid and it's tearing me down,   
But a lack of self-confidence is keeping me down  
tonight, all night_**  
  
I switched on my table lamp and sat at my desk enjoying the night breeze blowing in from the window next to me. This was not the first time I did this. Ever since I left, I have been dreaming about that world. After which I would wake up and ponder or reminisce until daybreak.   
  
Snitches of conversation and events replayed in my dream scape, allowing me to relive those moments I cherished so dearly. But these past few days, the dreams have been coming more rapidly and with more ferocity than before. Dreams filled with -him-. I was nearly convinced it was a sign. As that thought flitted through my mind, I smiled. Was he coming to me? I looked out my window, as if someone was there, waiting, watching. Was it him?   
  
Suddenly, a sound reached my ears. Someone _was_ there. My gaze swept the perimeter outside my window, but no one was in sight. Was it just the wind? I shook my head. Never mind. There would be another dream, another chance that we will meet once more tomorrow.  
  
Tomorrow.  
  
**_I tried, telling you every thing's not broken_**  
  
A voice reached my ears. Although muffled by the sobs he was trying to hold back, and masked by immense sorrow I have never heard before, I immediately knew who he was. He called my name, crying it out, repeating it over and over again like a mantra, like it could bring me to him.   
  
I bolted up from my chair. He was in pain, and I must get to him. I must soothe that hurt, and be a balm to his soul, like he was to mine so many years ago. I must not let him down. I must take that sorrow away.   
  
Somehow, I know that I was the only one who could.   
  
**_But you cried, when telling me all we had is gone_**  
  
I ran.  
  
**_'Cos I feel that deep down inside you,  
I'm still there, I'm still there_**  
  
"Haku!"

**Tsuzuku**

  
Author's note:   
  
I'm seriously crazy. Two fics in two nights! Took me less than 2 hours to write each – yup! That was the extent of my inspiration. This is written from Chihiro's POV, and happens concurrently to all that has been going on in 'Name'. If you've noticed, I wasn't very keen on using both their names in this fic, making Chihiro's teacher call her by her surname instead. This is mainly because of how important names are in Spirited Away. I cannot emphasise this enough. Hence, Chihiro only called Haku once to emphasise on the seriousness of the situation. Anyway, this idea has been bugging me for the whole of today, after I've finished writing 'Name'. I was very dissatisfied by 'Name' as I was a sucker for happy endings. So, I wanted to add something that would not contradict 'Name', but at least be closer to that 'happy ending' that I wanted.   
  
However, now I suppose I'll have to write a sequel to -this- songfic, to explain what the heck is going to happen next. -buries head in hands- what have I done to myself???? Please please PLEASE review – mom reviewed and sorta said in a nice way that it sucked, so my morale has been given a huge blow T_T. Onegaishimasu!   
  
A great big thanks to Obsessed who spurred me on to write this. No, this is not the ending, but I hope it is somewhat what you have in mind. ^_^ Arigato!  
  
Btw, the song is 'Fool's Corner' by Saybia. Highly recommended!   
  
Sayonara, Minna - Goodbye everybody  
Koi - (in case you don't know what they are) japanese carps  
Ogino-san - Miss. Ogino (I -think- this is her surname, please correct me if I'm wrong!) 


	3. Chapter III : Still Falling

Still Falling  
  
"Chihiro... Chihiro..." I lay on the damp grass rocking myself and repeating her name over and over again. Like it could save me. Like it would turn the clock back and make everything alright. Like it would make a difference. But I was lost, the time is now, and nothing would ever change.   
  
**_Last night I woke  
Lost, scared and soaked in sweat_**  
  
In the distance, I heard someone crying out my name, footsteps thundered down the stairways, but none of that mattered. None of that was her.   
  
"Haku!"  
  
There. That voice again.   
  
**_I lay in bed still falling from a rooftop_**  
  
The sound of feet pattering got louder and louder until I was vaguely aware of a pair of feet in front of me. Looking up, I realised that it was _her_. Somehow, in between my pain and anguish, my hurt and sorrow, she heard me.   
  
**_I'm still trying to get closer to who I am_**  
  
She looked around frantically, as though searching for something. It was only then that it dawned on me that she could not see me. I was still as transparent as before. Somehow, by some trick or stroke of luck, she heard my cries. But miracles do not happen. Especially not to spirits like me - Spirits who abandon all they know just for a quick short-cut to Hell. We deserve the punishment we are mete with. If only... if only I had not fallen in...  
  
I shook my head to clear myself of that thought. I did not need another reason to be angry at myself. How many times had I reprimanded myself for entering the Spirit World? How many times more do I have to regret my decision to be Yubaba's apprentice? And now, even if I leave, even if I can return to this world, it will not accept me.   
  
**_Twilight descends  
Into a dark velvet painting of my life_**  
  
As I gazed in painful remorse at my transparent hand, I noticed her shifting her feet and crouching down as though she knew I was sitting on the grass. Seeing her face to face, I noticed the subtle changes time has wrought upon her. She was no longer the gangly child who stumbled upon the Spirit World, and into my life. Now, she was taller, slender, and had a grace of a noble woman. Yet in her eyes, sparkled a kind of mischief and vitality that her true age belied. Oh, how many things have I missed these years! I've missed her growing into this beautiful young lady that must have captured many hearts, I've missed her blossoming into womanhood, I've missed all those and more...  
  
Her voice broke through my reverie of thoughts, bringing me back to the situation at hand.   
  
"Haku? You're here right? Ne?"  
  
Those words just broke my heart.  
  
I could hear nothing else, not my heartbeat, not the cars driving pass, not the music from the neighbour's son. I could only hear her voice, that voice which reminded me once more of the futility of my visit. I had told myself that I only wanted to see her once more. If only to know that she was fine and healthy. If only to be sure that she has regained that happiness that she so deserved. If only to see that she could smile once more... but never again at me. Never at me.  
  


**_Although there's light, redemption seems so distant_**  
  
I stretched out my hand to her cheek, despite the knowledge that my hand would only pass right through. I still stubbornly held onto the belief that maybe, just maybe, if I tried harder, believed deeper, loved stronger, I could feel her. Just this once. If there truly existed a Kamisama above, please, Please, just let me touch her this once and then never again.  
  
"O- onegai..." I whispered softly.  
  
**_Enchant me with the courage to believe_**  
  
Kamisama heard me.  
  
**_And grant me the wisdom that I need_**  
  
As my fingers brushed passed her face, and into it, I felt this bolt of electricity course through my arm. From the start on her visage, it was evident that she felt it too. A rush of my thoughts and hers flowed through this 'bridge' of ours, and I could feel her pain, her shock, her emotions, as clearly as though they belonged to me.   
  
Remembering my telepathy that I had learnt from Yubaba, I rejoiced that at least I would have the opportunity to talk to her. Bit by bit, I transmitted my memories of the Spirits left behind in the Spirit world who missed her dearly, but could not leave. I showed her my life without her, I allowed her a glimpse into life in the bath house without her, but most of all, I told her that I've fulfilled my promise, and that I was going to go on with my life, and not return to the human world again.  
  
**_Grant me the wisdom_**  
  
I refused to divulge the truth that I had no shell to possess while I'm in the human world. I did not know why, but somehow, I knew that it would hurt her dearly to know that. And it would hurt me even more that I could do nothing about it.   
  
**_Grant me all the wisdom that I need_**  
  
I wrenched my hand away from her, brutally severing the last ties that we would ever share. As the thoughts stopped their flow between us, the pain that coursed through me was so bad, it was nearly physical. I knew now, that I had utterly and thoroughly lost her.  
  
Then, I did something that I never thought I would do. Not to her. Never to her.  
  
I turned and ran.  
  
**_Enchant me with the courage to be free_**

**Tsuzuku**  
  
Author's Note:  
  
Finally! I ended this chapter! For the past few days, I've been having a really bad case of writer's block. Talked to my mom about it, and whined to my dad.. All of which didn't really help much. Now, I'm back and with a vengeance! I know how I'm going to end the story, it's pretty obvious now that I've thought about it, and I hope that you guys would support me and enjoy that story to the end. I was told that the instalments have been too whiny at some point in time, what do you think? That's pretty much why towards the end of this chapter, I flew into the plot and didn't emphasise so much on their thoughts... although you may not be able to see that because I've been whining too much. T_T  
  
To my beautiful and wonderful reviewers!  
  
Audrey Rotten: Thanks ever so much, you've really boosted my morale (and my ego along the way)! I've always wanted to do that. Write something that could connect with at least one person out there. And to know that I've made that connection with you, has really made me very very happy. Like Chihiro said once, 'Ureshi!'   
  
Spel CastrMax: Domo Arigato! I was worried about -everything- in the story. I was worried about the title, about the lyrics, about everything! It's wonderful to know that at least -someone- appreciates it!  
  
Andiavas: Hope that this explains how Chihiro knows. It's more of something in her that responds to Haku. I'm terribly tempted to say that Love works in Mysterious ways. Terribly terribly tempted, but I didn't! Heh. Please leave a review and let me know if this has at least satisfied you.. even if it's a little bit. Don't worry, there'll definitely be one or two more chapters. At least.  
  
Sakurachick03: This ain't the fluffy ending yet. I can't find it in me to do that just yet. I need to torment them a little more, and then give them that grand exit. So I hope you'll hang in there, and keep reviewing to let me know if I'm going in the right direction! Thanks!  
  
Nightwitch: Thanks so much for the review! I'm not ready to give them the happy ending yet, cos I'm just not ready to let go of them.. T_T It's like cutting the apron strings!!!!  
  
James Birdsong: Is your surname really Birdsong? That's so cool! And well, I'm glad that you've enjoyed my songfic, hope that you like this one too! Arigato!  
  
Quisty-mum: This is a really cool nick! How did you come by it? And I'm so glad you reviewed! I love your fics and your style, makes me feel so honoured that you like this fic! Domo Arigatougozaimasu!  
  
Last be definitely not least  
Dog Girl: Thanks ever so much girl! I'm such a fan of your writing, to have you review and dish out compliments has really really bowled me over. If you have to put books on your head after the reviews I've given you, I most definitely have to find a truck to quell the swelling of my head! ^_____________^ Hope you enjoy this instalment as much as you did the previous ones, and I definitely want to hear what you think about this one. I know that it is far from the happy ending we both want, but I can't resist adding this twist.  
  
Kamisama: God  
  
Onegai: Please 


	4. Chapter IV : Good Enough

Good Enough  
  
The trees loomed up ahead of me. The branches stretching forth above the road, giving such shelter like no other. Despite its comforting presence, I still felt a sense of dread and urgency invading my heart. Why did he run away like that?  
  
**_Hey your glass is empty  
it's a hell of a long way home  
_**  
I hurried on my way, desperate to get to him. Somehow, deep inside of me, I knew that something was amiss. He told me not to worry, that everyone was fine, that he was all right, that he was going to get on with his life. I was well aware that it was only fair, since he had done as he promised, but.  
  
I adamantly shook my head. I was not going to dwell on this. Something was wrong and allowing my mind to wander was not a way to solve it.  
  
I jogged until I reached the fork of the road or what should have been the crossroad. To my right, there were the rows and rows of little temples of offerings to the spirits, which resided in the forest. But in front of me lay a dead end. Instead of the pathway, which used to lead to that abandoned amusement park, now lay a nonexistent trail overgrown with weeds and undergrowth, covered by a layer of grass. Even with all those years of neglect it was impossible that the pathway could turn to such a condition. It was as if it had completely disappeared.  
  
I searched frantically around for a pathway that was no longer there. It must be here! I remembered seeing the shrines of the Spirits before Otousan took the wrong path.Getting more and more afraid by the minute, something convinced me that it was Haku's doing. He did not want me to see him. He was trying all ways and means to stop me from finding out. What?  
  
**_Why don't you let me take you  
it's no good to go alone_**  
  
Haku was trying to keep something from me. I realized that when his thoughts merged with mine. Despite the flow of his memories, there was a dam, filtering what he wanted to say. He was stopping his thoughts from fully entering mine. What could be the reason?  
  
I was completely and fully honest with him, did he feel that it was unnecessary? Did he resent my honesty? Was it just me who took this relationship out of context and embellished it to soothe my aching heart? Did I make him uncomfortable with the words I said, and the ones that I didn't?  
  
**_I never would have opened up  
but you seemed so real to me  
after all the bullshit I've heard  
it's refreshing not to see  
I don't have to pretend  
He doesn't expect it from me_**  
  
Finally, after the futile search for the road to the Spirited World, I collapsed on the ground, pounding my fists in frustration. Turning away from the missing pathway, I raved at the shrines.  
  
"Why?! All I wanted to do was to go back and see them again! Is that so wrong? I've been waiting years! Years! And all I get it a visit from him telling me to get on with my life??"  
  
In my rage, I left my tears unchecked and allowed them to meander down my cheeks. It was not the first time I had given in to my crybaby nature. Even if I had learnt that life would not always go my way, there was nothing more comforting in my solitude than letting those emotions surface and giving it a good cry. The release of all these pent-up frustrations did a lot of good sometimes.  
  
But this time, it was not offering any comfort.  
  
"Let me go! Let me go to them! Please! Please give me the pathway!"  
**_  
Hey little girl would you like some candy  
your momma said that it's OK  
the door is open come on outside  
no I can't come out today_**  
  
Looking over my shoulder, I saw no pathway. No one heard my cries and my pleas. There was no Haku this time, no Rin to offer me support. There was no magic that could save me. I had no way to get to Haku this time.  
  
**_It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder  
and threw you to the ground  
who's there that makes you so afraid  
you're shaken to the bone_**  
  
"O-Onegai."  
  
**_And I don't understand  
you deserve so much more than this_**  
  
I awoke with the sun shining in my eyes. Rubbing them, I hoped that the swelling from crying the night before would not show so obviously. Stretching the creeks out of my protesting limbs, I managed to pick myself up. Looking around, I stared.  
  
Right in front of me, lay a pathway, strewn with leaves and in disrepair, but a pathway nonetheless.  
  
Turning to the shrines, I gave it a deep bow.  
**_  
Don't tell me I haven't been good to you  
don't tell me I have never been there for you_**  
  
As I trudged the path I took so many years ago with my parents, a sense of calm enveloped me. Even when I saw the stone statue of the Spirit, no trepidation crept into my heart like before. Perhaps I had finally grown up after all.  
  
I knew that this road I am upon, in more ways than one, is fraught with conflict and a certain amount of pain. Yet if it meant finding my way back to my friends and him, it would not be in vain. I had spent my last seven years searching for myself, and for the meaning in who I am. Now, I am finally ready to face them once more.  
  
Reaching the abandoned amusement park, I unconsciously stopped.  
  
I was well aware that if I went back, there was a chance I would not return. By now, my parents should have noticed my absence and were worried. Then there was school too, not forgetting the friends that took to me so long to make. Was I really that ready to leave all that behind?  
  
Steeling myself, I paused to check the wind. Seeing the leaves rise and flutter into the amusement park, my lips curled into a tiny smile.  
  
Repeating those words that I muttered so many years ago, I couldn't help but remark, "The wind is going in."  
  
Haku, are you waiting for me?  
  
**_Don't tell me why  
nothing is good enough_**  
  
The grass swayed in the wind, reminding me of the scenery I had witnessed before. A sense of calm washed over me. Like a wave finding its way to the shore, I had found my way back to my ten-year-old self, and my other family. Grinning widely like the child in me, I spread my arms and spun around, immensely relishing the breeze as it whispered sweet nothings into my ear.  
  
"Okaeri!"  
  
I shouted to whoever who would listen. Yes, I certainly felt like I was home once more.  
  
I enjoyed myself for a little while longer before trekking my way up the stones to where the bathhouse lay. It was time to meet everyone again. I hope they haven't forgotten me, or unwelcome me, like he did. Although nothing could compare to the blow I received when Haku gave up on me.  
  
**_So don't tell me why  
he's never been good to you_**  
  
I ran through the streets, jogged up the stair, pass the bridge and finally reached the bathhouse. Nothing has changed since I had left. The bathhouse was just as new as before. From the stream of fog rising out through the chimney, I knew that Kamaji had already started the fire and was working away in the boiler room with the Susuwatari.  
  
Walking down the pavement and crawling through the little doorway at the side of the bathhouse, I reached the staircase that I had feared not too long ago. This time, with a calmer heart, and a more courageous spirit, I carefully plodded my way down.  
  
"Kamaji-san!" I hollered as I opened the boiler room. Steam rose out of the boilers, rushing out of the cauldron as though protesting the treatment they had been given. Up ahead, the Susuwatari were scurrying around, carrying the black combustible pieces up and down, feeding the hungry fire. They paused upon seeing my shadow rise out from the darkness, only to jump up and down in joy when they realized whom it was. Abandoning their coal, they scurried up to me in greeting.  
  
Kamaji turned to see whom the intruder was, his wrinkled and bearded face breaking into an unsuppressed grin when he recognized me.  
  
"Ah! Sen! You've returned!"  
  
At his words, I broke into a run, jumped up onto the unsuspecting spirit and gave him the bone-crushing hug he deserved.  
  
" Kamaji-san! I missed you so much! Did you miss me? How have you been? How is everyone? How is your job? Is it tiring? Are there a lot of Spirits visiting now? Where is Rin? Is she coming soon to give you your lunch??"  
  
Recovering from the choking embrace, Kamaji chuckled at my obvious eagerness and happiness to be back.  
  
"Hai, hai, I've missed my little granddaughter," he replied, chortling at the title he had given to save me. " I have been fine, with those little buggers helping me, making the job easier. Everyone is all right too, but a little busy as more and more Spirits have been visiting. Rin should be coming in soon to give me my lunch, so you'd might as well hang around and wait for her, I'm sure she'd be more than glad to see your face."  
  
Kamaji then took out some fruits obviously left behind from his breakfast and shoved it under my nose.  
  
"You must be hungry. Here, take some food."  
  
Looking at the little berries, I picked one up, staring at it, reminiscing about the time when Haku had offered me one on my first visit.  
  
"Haku." I sighed. Where was he now?  
  
**_Don't tell me why  
he's never been there for you  
don't you know that why  
is simply not good enough_**  
  
Chewing on the berry, I hardened my heart and spoke up.  
  
"Kamaji-san, do you know where Haku is? I-I need to find him."  
  
Granting me a knowing smile, Kamaji replied. "Wait for Rin, she'll be glad to see you and bring you to that Dragon boy of yours."  
  
I blushed, opening my mouth to protest Haku's moniker as well as his relation with me, but I shut it immediately. What harm is there in others' misled conception? It would be straightened out soon enough. And even if it never will be, I do find strange comforts in this lie that he is mine as much I am his. Nothing would please me more than that.  
  
Looking forlornly at the spare futon folded in the corner; I remembered that it was the one that an injured Haku had lain in after the assault by an enraged Zeniba. I could still recall my uneasiness at leaving him to find her, and my agony at his wounds. Those emotions surfaced once more when I thought of Haku's behavior the day before.  
  
Closing my eyes, I thought back to the time when he was still in his dragon form, standing outside Zeniba's house. The great relief and joy that flooded my thoughts upon seeing him was a feeling I could not forget. Recalling the sensation of hugging him, I wondered what had happened in that span of time to make us so alienated from each other. Was love more fragile than I had thought it to be? Would he not allow me to be his friend anymore?  
  
**_So just let me try  
_**  
Has all our experiences; the smile, the laughter, the tears, the joy, the trepidation, all these mean nothing anymore?  
  
**_And I will be good to you_**  
  
The sound of the screen sliding open broke my train of depressive musings. Turning around, I noticed Rin poking her head into the room, her hands laden with the bowls of food for Kamaji. As she crawled through that small doorway, I took the bowl from her, thus lightening her load and startling her at the same time.  
  
Seeing her shocked expression fall into a familiar broad smile cum smirk, I grinned in response.  
  
"Okaeri." I repeated the words I had spoken to the spirit world when I first returned. Somehow, it felt very right to say it to her.  
  
Upon hearing my words, she immediately teared up, and grabbed me closer to her in a fierce hug.  
  
"It took you long enough, Sen, it certainly took you long enough."  
  
Choking back a sob as I nestled against her, savoring the warmth and comfort that only she could give, I hugged her back equally tightly.  
  
"I missed you. I missed you so much, Rin."  
  
I knew that she was well aware of that, but to tell it to her gave a whole new meaning entirely. All the suppressed emotions built up over years and years of holding back finally came crashing down upon me, and I sobbed. It felt so good to let it out. All my years in the human world were spent trying to forget, trying to keep it from everyone for fear of rejection and ridicule. But finally I was back where I need not hide anymore.  
**_  
Just let me try  
and I will be there for you_**  
  
Pulling away from Rin's embrace, I dried my tears on the sleeve of my shirt.  
  
"Rin, I need a favor from you."  
  
She took Kamaji's used bowls and nodded in my direction, signaling me to continue. I smiled softly, knowing that she already knew what I was going to ask. Nonetheless, I plodded onwards.  
  
"Could you bring me to Haku?"  
  
**_I'll show you why  
you're so much more than good enough..._**

**Tsuzuku**

  
Author's Note:  
  
Ahh!!! Finally! Yet another chapter has been put up. You cannot fathom how difficult this was to write. I had neither inspiration nor the want to write. Nowadays, what with the news of war, and the outbreak of the pneumonia-like SARS, I was really not in the mood to write anything at all.  
  
But I'm certainly glad that I did. This chapter, being one of my longest ones, also has the honor of being my favorite one so far. I certainly enjoyed writing this one, though finding the song to fit it is certainly not easy. Please tell me if it does -indeed- fit. Btw, the song is Sarah McLachlan's 'Good Enough'. I know that the story seems to be dragging a bit, but soon the showdown between Haku and Chihiro is coming. So please hang on in there, and let me know if I'm doing all right so far. I thrive on reviews, so please Review! m(_)m Onegaishimasu!  
  
To all the reviewers: Thank you so much for your encouragement, there won't be individual thanks, as I'm so exhausted from all this writing. Please forgive me. To Audrey Rotten, Andiavas, Sungirl and James Birdsong, Thank you every so much. You can't imagine how much your kind words of encouragement means to me. Please tell me how you feel about this new chapter. Arigato Gozaimasu!  
  
Onegai: Please Otousan: Father Okaeri: I'm home  
  
This is completely out of point, but did you realize that all the Japanese Words I used this time all starts with an 'O'? See? I told you it's out of point!  
  
Until the next time I write, Ja! Haru-chan 


	5. Chapter V: Setsunakutemo Zutto

Setsunakutemo... zutto  
  
"What are you doing here Dragon Boy? I thought you were off making goo-goo eyes at your little girlfriend." The caustic voice cut through the silence leaving no room for interruption.   
  
Zeniba was as she had always been - straight-forward and to the point. However, she looked genuinely puzzled at my appearance at her doorstep. It was only the day before that I had consulted the sorceress regarding my trip to the human world. I can still recall how adamant I was in getting to _her_. I had refused to leave the next day and with the sinking sun behind me, I flew off to see Chihiro.  
  
_moetsukita you ni shizumu   
yuuhi sae hitori sa_  
**_Even the setting sun that sinks like it was burning out  
is alone_**  
  
"I.." I was at a loss. What words could I use to convey the despair I had felt? What could I say to express the agony I had experienced? No one would understand those feelings unless they had gone through the pain of being faced with the one person they love with all their heart, but who is equally unattainable. It was like having food placed in front of a hungry man only to forbid him to consume it.   
  
I had never felt so lost and alone before.   
  
_Daiichi ni mo, unabara ni mo  
dakareru koto naku_  
**_Unable to embrace  
the earth or the deep seas_**  
  
Zeniba sharply glanced at me, taking in my drawn visage and eye bags. It was evident that I had spent yet another sleepless night. She gave me a soul-searching stare and shook her head, sighing. Somehow, I suspected that she knew this would happen. Why hadn't I listened to the wise Spirit before charging off so eagerly to get my heart broken?  
  
'You never listened...' the tiny voice in my heart whispered sorrowfully.  
  
Sighing again, she opened the door wider and beckoned for me to enter.  
  
"No point standing out there the whole day. Come on in."  
  
_Fukai kokoro no soko de  
nenurasete iru no ni_  
**_Though it's been sleeping  
at the bottom of my heart_**  
  
Stepping into the house gave me the sense of bewilderment, as it has always done before. I could never fathom how one twin sister could be so vastly different from the other. Yubaba indulged herself in ostentatious furnishings, taking great pains to acquire grandiose tapestry and jewelry which she feels she so richly deserves. Yet on the other hand, Zeniba was more than contented to surround herself with the simplest and the plainest, her furnishings just meeting the criteria of the bare minimal. Still, the latter's house always gave off a feeling of such homeliness which could not be found anywhere else in the entire Spirit World. Going into Zeniba's house always made me want to stay longer and drink in the peace that could only be found here.  
  
Many a time, ever since Chihiro had removed the animosity between us, had I returned to this place to find my solitude and sanctity away from the hustle and bustle of the Bath house. Yubaba would work me hard, milking every profit she could from me and as hard as it may seem, it never broke me. I then had a goal. I was to work towards paying off my debt and then freedom and Chihiro was waiting for me.  
  
I had a promise to keep.  
  
_Fui wo tsuku akane iro no  
setsunai jounetsu_  
**_the red, painful passion  
takes me by surprise_**  
  
Watching Zeniba as she tinkered around the kitchen, making me that infamous cup of tea of hers as well as some things to munch on, gave me back some of the calm I had lost along my way to the human world. I peered around the room, drinking in its familiar sights once again. I had dreamed that one day, Chihiro and I would enjoy this. That we would have a house of our own, built solely on the foundation of our mutual affection and respect, strengthened by our resolve to stay together through thick and thin. It is amazing how I could have missed a tiny detail which had such large magnitude of an effect on this dream.  
  
"So..." Zeniba set a plateful of rice balls on the table and seated herself on the table, gesturing for me to do the same. "What is it now?"  
  
Her gentle gaze coupled with the warmth in her tone betrayed the coarse words she had spoken. She waited for me to get seated comfortably before pouring me a cup of tea.   
  
"She... Chihiro could not see me." I replied mournfully, trying my best to cover up my disappointment and heartache but to no avail.  
  
Zeniba clucked her tongue sympathetically but said no more as she daintily picked up her cup and started drinking. Despite her lack of speech, I knew that this was her way of allowing me time and space. Through the slight tilt of her head, and quiet slump in her shoulders, I could tell that the news had affected her as well, and that in spite of her knowledge that this was impending, she felt for me too. The news in itself had brought me a small amount of comfort.  
  
Pushing the plate of rice balls towards me, she motioned for me to take one.  
  
"You must be hungry with all that flying around."  
  
Although I had lost my appetite, I picked one up and nibbled on it. Feeling the prickling of my eyes at her thoughtful gesture, I stuffed myself with the rice ball, not unlike Chihiro's actions that morning in the fields. As my thoughts traveled back to her, I stuffed myself all the more, trying to quench my endless sorrows with it. It only served to make the stinging sensation all the more acute.  
  
"Boy! Don't eat so quickly!"  
  
Alarmed at my abnormal behavior, Zeniba touched my hand, trying to slow my actions down although she didn't need to because it was that time which I abruptly stopped.  
  
Taking a deep breath, I swallowed the remnants of my food hastily and gulped down a glass of piping hot tea, all the while relishing in the burning feeling in my throat. If only all emotions could be numbed like that.   
  
Recalling Chihiro's tears, I knew that emotions were never meant to be dammed up. Hadn't I at least learned that from her visit?  
  
_Kimi no namida miru tabi  
tamaranaku natte  
Ushiro kara omoikiri  
dakishimetaku naru_  
**_Whenever I see your tears,  
I can't stand it  
It makes me want to  
hold you close from behind_**  
  
"It's inevitable. You couldn't have done anything about it." Zeniba's soothingly spoke up.   
  
Hearing her placatingly sympathetic voice just made me all the more realize how futile my attempt the night before truly was. Even now, I did not want to give up. I was not satisfied. Surely there was something else I had overlooked, some aspect I had not noticed which could bring me and her together!  
  
Angrily I slammed my palm on the table top.   
  
"There is something I could have done! I could have been more satiated with what I had! I could have never come into the spirit world so I could be with Chihiro! I could have stayed with her there and not lose my river! I could..." The more I spoke, the more my words got garbled up as I tripped over them and the emotions I was trying to quell. Towards the end of my outburst, I felt as though all my energy was drained from me. I was just an empty shell without all those hopes and dreams to buoy me.   
  
Sinking deeper into the seat, I cradled my head in my hands and murmured the last sentences out.  
  
"I only want to be with her..."  
  
_Kowareru hodo suki sa  
donna kotoba mo tarinai_  
**_I love you to the point it breaks me.  
No kind of words are enough_**  
  
"... I only want to love her..."  
  
_Kesshite koe ni shinai_  
**_Because I also have a love_**  
  
"... Is that too much to ask for?"  
  
_Itoshisa mo aru n' da_  
**_That I can never give voice to_**  
  
"Boy, you should have known that it is useless to harbor any feelings for a human. Her time is not up, and you have no shell. There is no way for the both of you to be together."  
  
I know that Zeniba was trying to reason with me in hopes that I would wake up from this illusion that was self-imposed. But I was not ready to awaken. I was not in the least prepared to see the stark and brute reality as it was.  
  
"I know but..."  
  
"No buts. It's time you stop lying to yourself! Wake up! Is this what the proud and indomitable River Spirit is reduced to? A blubbering fool who cannot go on with his life just because his girlfriend cannot be with him?" Zeniba's voice rose higher as she admonished me for my stupidity. "Chihiro is trying to live her life strongly and with hope. She's not sitting around waiting for a miracle to happen, because she knows it won't! But she has not lost hope in love. What gives _you_ the right to do that?!"   
  
Bowing my head I realized the truth in her words. How could I claim to be a Spirit, if I gave into despair so easily?   
  
_Umareochita dake de wa  
otoko ni wa narenai_  
**_Can't become a man  
just by being born_**  
  
"Demo... What could I do?" I replied bitterly, there was no way that I could turn into human or Chihiro become a spirit.  
  
Zeniba sighed, knowing that what she was going to say was something that I had to accept sooner or later, but that the truth would hurt far deeper than any lie ever could.  
  
_Hontou no tsuyosa wa kitto  
ai kara hajimaru_  
**_True strength surely  
starts with love_**  
  
"You have to give her up."  
  
Stunned by the brutality of her words, I had nothing to say.  
  
"If you truly love her, then you must let her go. She has her own life to lead, and her own dreams to follow, you cannot expect her to wait her whole life for you. Even last night when you told her to get on with her life, and that you would do the same, make sure that you would really do that."  
  
Raising her hand to stop me from interrupting her, Zeniba continued.  
  
"I never said that it would be easy, but it is something that you must do. I had already done my part in helping you tell the Spirits not to allow Chihiro to enter, hopefully, that is enough to make her give up."  
  
Giving me a meaningful glance filled with sadness Zeniba sighed.  
  
"Now, it's your turn to relinquish your hold on her."  
  
Allowing the words to sink it, Zeniba stood up to clear the table, giving me time to think it through. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was the only plausible route that I could take. That sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach did not get any better from this revelation, it only got worse. But if it could bring Chihiro happiness, if it could make her smile...  
  
_Kimi no namida no saki ni  
egao ga aru nara_  
**_If there's a smile  
beyond your tears_**  
  
Steeling myself for the decision that I was to make, I looked at the old sorceress' waiting gaze for confirmation.  
  
"That is the only way to bring her happiness right?"  
  
Hardly noticing her slight nod, I felt as though a burden was added to my shoulders.  
  
_Tanomoshii Yatsu no mama  
mimamotte iyou_  
**_I'll watch over you   
like the dependable guy I am_**  
  
The ancient spirit walked over to me, and embraced me as if to tell me that she was there for me through all this. And as much as I tried to sooth myself, telling myself that this would make Chihiro happy, I couldn't help but push back the tears that were threatening to fall. It was as though someone had clamped my heart and told it to stop beating. The pain was beyond any imagination or anything that could be inflicted physically. All this because someone had told me to stop loving Chihiro.  
  
_Yuuhi ga mata shizumu  
jounetsu wo daita mama_  
**_The setting sun sinks again  
As it embraced its passion_**  
  
I clenched my teeth, trying to hold back my sobs. Holding on tightly to the powerful Spirit's body for support, as though it could save me, as though it could make everything alright again.   
  
And then, I spoke her name once more, maybe for the last time.  
  
"CHIHIRO!"  
_  
Hitoshirezu nemuri tsuku  
Setsunakutemo zutto_  
**_It reaches its inward rest  
Even though it's painful... always_**  
  
The door burst open revealing two slight frames. One of which ran towards me, crying out my name.  
  
"No, Haku, NO!"  
  


**Tsuzuku**

  
Author's Note:  
  
Ahhh!! I came out with another Chapter! It's even longer than the previous one, so I hope that you guys like it! In this Chapter, I got Zeniba and Haku interacting with each other. This is to reveal their closeness and to show that Haku needs at least one friend in the Spirit world. Why didn't I choose Rin instead? That's because in the scene where Zeniba forgave Haku (who was still in dragon form) made me feel some 'chemistry' between the both of them. No, it's not -that- kind of Chemistry! I'm not some sicko!!! ewww.. But there's the mutual respect for each other which would be a good basis for their relationship.  
  
I hope you wouldn't feel that the story is dragging, I just wanted this chapter to express the feelings of Haku and explain why he ran off (as many reviewers had asked me before). Have I answered your question? Next Up, Chihiro would meet up with Haku! Stay Tuned!  
  
To my lovely, wonderful, absolutely brilliant and adorable Reviewers:  
Violet Emeralds: How did you like this chapter? Well, I was surprised about the lack of stories on SA too, so I decided to write my own! Heh, hopefully it'll encourage more writers to submit their work in too!  
  
Mrs. Les Demondes: Interesting name! Thanks so much for the encouragement, and I'll be sure to defer all flamers to your husband! ^_^ Please tell your friend that the most important thing (I feel) in writing is being true to yourself. You should only stop when you find that there's nothing left in you to express. Maybe then she'll find encouragement in herself the next time she gets a flame.  
  
Morrigan/Nickoi: Erm.. Is this two people or one person? But anyway, thanks so much! Although I shan't tell my mother what you said. -giggles- I hope that you still think I rock, cos you sure ROCK!!!  
  
kohaku+chihiro4ever: Nice name! ^_^ I don't think I need to ask you what you'd like the ending to be, ne? Lol but here's the continuation, as you have asked for, and I hope that you'd keep reading. This would most probably be the saddest things that happen in this fic, and it'll only go up from here! ^_^ Cheerios!  
  
Steahl: Arigato for your compliments! I hope that this chapter would make you eagerly await the next one too! It's cos of people like you that encourage me and give me the strength to keep writing. Thank you so much!  
  
Crimson Rogue: Heh, surprisingly, the night before I read your review, I was pondering on whether I should have made it -seem- as though there was something going on between Haku and Rin. However, since I didn't have much confidence in my own writing skills I just went 'naah!' and fell asleep. You could only imagine my shock when I read your review! Here's the answer to your question, although it's written all over this chapter, No, Haku still loves Chihiro, and miracles -do- happen.  
  
Little Dragon: Are you related to Haku? Heh, could I borrow him then? ^_^ Thanks for your review! I was worried that the lyrics would overshadow the story or vice versa, phew! Thank you for the compliments, I would now require someone to bash my head in before it becomes too big!   
  
James Birdsong: Kewl name ^_^ Well, I'm very opened to criticism, so if you really feel that there's something lacking in the chapter, or that something is sorely wrong, feel free to let me know, I won't bite! I promise! Thanks for the review!  
  
Arella: Thanks! Hope that this chapter lives up to your expectation! Tell me if there's anything that I can improve upon, ne? And lemme noe if the song fits it, I am worried that this one is too draggy. -frowns-  
  
Sungirl: Heh! This chappie is even longer!! I was thinking long and hard about her reaction as well, and I really liked that chappie. Hopefully, this chappie would go down well with ya too! Please tell me if you like it! Are there any other elements you would like me to add in? I'll try my darnest best to fit it in!  
  
Andiavas: Thanks for the reviw! As you can see, I kinda ended this Chapter off on a cliffhanger too! -notices Andiavas' glare- AARRGHHH!!!! -cowers- don't hit me! Don't hit me! Er, the next chapter would be better! I promise!!!!!!!!  
  
Demo: But  
  
Before I forget, school is getting pretty hectic, so I can only afford to write every weekend. Please forgive me if updates are delayed, but I'm trying my best! Hope that you'd still hang in there!  
BTW, the next/ next two chapters would most probably be the end of this series, so stay tuned ne? And I'm not that good with sap, so I hope that you'll endure whatever that I can spout out! ^____________________________________^  
  
Haru-chan 


	6. Chapter VI : The Day After Tomorrow

The Day After Tomorrow  
  
I ran to the sound of his cry, barely noticing Zeniba and Haku breaking away from their awkward embrace with astonishment reflected clearly in their eyes. All I knew was that I could not bear the sound of his pain.  
  
"No, Haku, NO!"  
  
**_Please tell me why do birds _**

_**Sing when you're near **_

**_Sing when you're close to me_**  
  
He rose from the chair none too gracefully and stared at me with tear- filled eyes, uncomprehending my presence. Creasing his eyebrows together in confusion, he whispered out his thoughts, questioning my very existence in the Spirit world.  
  
"Chihiro? Doshite koko ni?"  
  
Reaching his side, I brushed the tear tracks away, smiling gently at him as I looked deep into his eyes, which were brimming with sadness.  
  
**_They say that _**

_**I'm a fool **_

**_For loving you deeply_**  
  
"It's my turn to run after you."  
  
**_Loving you secretly_**  
  
Realization shone in Haku's countenance as he took a small step back from me and sank into the chair. His features now devoid of emotions as his gruff voice spoke up coldly, vaguely repeating the first words he spoke to me on the bridge so many years ago.  
  
"You don't belong here, return to your world."  
  
Now it was my turn to be confused.  
  
**_But I crash in my mind, _**

**_Whenever you are near_**  
  
What had happened? Was I really playing the fool this time? No, it can't be. I shook my head adamantly. Bringing myself down to eye level with Haku, I locked gazes with him, determined to find out what's going on.  
  
"No. I'm not going anywhere until you explain what's going on."  
  
Steeling myself for what was to come, I was thrown off course with the caustic and frosty tone that he adopted.  
  
"There's nothing to explain. Go back to your world."  
  
Completely unprepared for those words, it took me some time for words to sink in. But before I had time to reply, Rin cut in.  
  
"What do you mean you scaly-frea-.?"  
  
Not waiting for her to finish her sentence, I broke in.  
  
"Nothing to explain? Nothing to explain?!" Thinking about the night before, about how tired I was with only a few hours of sleep, about how I had cut short my reunion with Kamaji and Rin only to get a chilly reception from him after all my efforts - my patience was at it's fraying end.  
**_  
Getting deaf, dumb and blind_**  
  
"I was waiting for you for 7 years. 7 years! Then last night you returned but I couldn't even see your face! You gave me this long story, only to leave me hanging afterwards! And even that story was a half-baked one! Then what?? **You** tell me!!" 

By then, he was wincing from my shouting, bowing his head until I could not read his expression while both Zeniba and Rin had enough sense not to interrupt my tirade. Despite my knowledge that this was the old sorceress' house and that it was terribly impolite for me to throw my temper to the wind, I could not stop myself.  
**_  
Just drowning in despair_**  
  
"I left my family behind probably worried sick about me! I disregarded my friends and my school last night! I barely had time to get together with all my other friends in the Spirit World just so I could run and see how you are, and this is what I get?? A simple phrase! A _meaningless_ phrase that I can really do without! I don't want your half-truths or a promise not worth keeping, all I want is an explanation and I'll go!"  
  
Towards the end of my impromptu speech, my voice crescendo to a shriek, by which time I ended off breathless and a little light headed from the release of my pent-up frustrations. I had never lectured anyone before, let alone go off full steam at anybody and was not prepared for how emotionally draining it could be.  
  
Finally, I collapsed and sank to the floor pleading with him.  
  
"Please Haku, that's all I want, and I promise I'll go."  
  
There was complete deafening silence for a while, when he spoke. Turning to Zeniba, he asked. "Could you explain it to her? You know the details."  
  
**_I am lost in your flame _**

**_It's burning like the sun_**  
  
As we seated ourselves around the dining table, trying to get as comfortable as the situation could permits, I realized that he was trying to avoid my wondering eyes as best he could. Despite sitting directly across me, Haku bowed his head allowing his bangs to hide his eyes never bringing them up, not even once. Rin, stubborn as ever, refused to leave, adamantly claiming that she was here to 'protect Chihiro from dragon boy', to which, none of us protested her presence thereafter. Zeniba on the other hand, ever the gracious hostess in spite of my horrible behavior, hurried to brew us all a fresh batch of tea to calm our nerves.  
  
Trying my best not to seem like I was staring, I kept glancing at Haku. It was only now that I realized how much he has changed over the years. Despite his hair still being cropped just before his shoulder, and his height not having changed much, his face was the testament to the years he had seen. His mouth had a trace of steel, hinting his lack of a smile for a long time, his skin, an unhealthy pale pallor, but most of all his orbs, though veiled, showed great sadness and pain. _Oh Haku.What happened? _  
  
**_And I call out your name _**

**_The moment you are gone_**  
  
Sipping the tea, allowing the warm liquid to find its path through my chilled body, I tried to appear calm. It was not mean feat, after Zeniba's explanation. It was only with Rin's gentle touch on my arm and her concerned glance that I realized my hand was shaking furiously. However, more than the teacup in my hand was being gripped.  
  
Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a deep breath as I felt myself losing grip with reality, forcing myself to focus - To simply focus on breathing.  
**_  
Please tell me why can't I, _**

_**Breathe when you're near me **_

**_Breathe when you're close to me_**  
  
I thought back on those seven years. Those seven years built on childish hopes, filled with a false sense of security that I believed in wholeheartedly. It was all a lie wasn't it? Looking up, I stared at Haku's bowed head. I willed him to look up and smile his gentle smile, to tell me that it was just some April fool's joke although it was the middle of May, to say that everything was alright, to say that he loved me and that he was going to stay with me.  
  
I lived on that belief. I spent those seven years living the belief that one day he'll come to me and we'll find our paradise, together. It was something I told myself everyday just so I could pass each day easier. It was like a mantra, or my prayer to sustain myself when I was down. 'Haku will come. Haku will come for you.'  
  
Smiling bitterly, I should have known that dreams evaporated in the morning light, and could not survive in this reality.  
**_  
I know you know I'm lost _**

_**In loving you deeply **_

**_Loving you secretly_**  
  
Not bearing his self-imposed distance from me, I called out to him, crying out for some comfort that only he can give.  
  
"Haku.? H-honto ni?"  
  
He could not even raise his head to respond, only giving me a weak '_Ah_' for a reply.  
  
As simple a word it was, it resonated in my mind, playing over and over again. What I recounted was not merely the monosyllabic answer, but the meaning carefully hidden behind it. The truth it revealed was something that I could not face.  
  
"I. I cannot be with Haku? I. I don't understand!" Tears welled in my eyes, threatening to spill any minute. "If I can't be with Haku, then what's the point? What's the point of everyday? What's the point of studying? What's the point of living?!"  
  
**_But I crash in my mind _**

_**Whenever you are near **_

**_Getting deaf dumb And blind_**  
  
I gripped onto the teacup even harder, and desperately holding onto my equally fragile emotions. I did not want them to burst. I did not want them to consume me.  
  
**_I am lost in your flame _**

**_It's burning like the sun_**  
  
"What's the point?" I turned to Rin, sobbing brokenly onto her shoulder, hanging onto her for dear life, fearing that if I just let go, I'll fall, and never find my way back up.  
  
**_Just drowning in despair_**  
  
Rin, not bearing to see me so hurt, spoke up.  
  
"There must be another way right?"  
  
Zeniba sighed, anticipating this question that would yield no happy answers.  
  
"Haku has lost his form in the Human World. There is no way for him to go back. Not now that his river is lost."  
  
Rin held onto me tightly as I tried to choke back another sob at the wise Spirit's despairing words. If only.  
  
"Wait! Couldn't I just plant a tree and allow Haku to be its Spirit??" I spoke up, hoping that this maybe the answer to all our problems.  
  
But the old sorceress shook her head ruefully.  
  
"I've thought of that too. But Haku is a water Spirit, he could not take possession of Wood. It is against his nature. Don't forget, the entity also must be named after Haku, otherwise his control over it would be weak and he can never subjugate it."  
  
"It needs the name Haku.?"  
  
**_And I call out your name_**

**_The moment you are gone_**  
  
Suddenly, the thought burst forth through the deep recesses of my memory. Why hadn't I thought of it earlier? I quickly wiped the remnants of the tear tracks away from my face, smiling brightly as I did so. Looking at the three Spirits seated at the table, my smile widened just a little bit more. Our world would collide once more.  
  
Grabbing Haku's hand on the table, I spoke confidently.  
  
"Haku, we can be together. I know we can."  
  
Raising his head, his aquamarine orbs bore into mine questioningly.  
  
**_Tomorrow, I'll say it all tomorrow _**

_**Or the day after tomorrow **_

**_I'm sure I'll tell you then_**

**Tsuzuku**  
  
Author's note:  
  
Alright!! I've got a terrible bout of writer's block! Please forgive me! I'm so happy with all the reviews, but I'm terribly tired now (after half an hour of writing 3 pages. oroooo) This one is a bit short, and I'm pretty glad it is, the turning points of the story ain't always that easy to write, so I'm gonna keep it short! ^________________^ \  
  
Doshite koko ni: Why are you here  
  
Honto ni: Really?  
  
To all my reviewers: You're the very reason I still keep writing, so please keep those reviews coming, make my day!!!!  
  
BTW, Blacknightmare mentioned that Haku did not 'lose' his river, it simply was drained. Well, I'd like to say that no one knows when the river was drained and when he came into the Spirit World. -My- interpretation is that he entered the Spirit World, the river no longer had a Spirit to protect it, and hence it was 'allowed' to get drained. Am I making any sense? [But it's completely just MY idea.] Secondly, about Rin/Lin? I'm confused too! cos her name -may- be spelled as Lin, but the pronunciation is Rin, so I'll just keep typing 'Rin' for the convenience of it, and so the readers would not be confused if I suddenly changed to Lin. that, and cos I'm lazy.. heh heh Lastly, Angst/Romance instead of Drama/Romance. Well, I understand that this may seem kinda Angsty cos of someone -glares at Haku- but it isn't completely so, not with Chihiro who always manages to lighten everyone up with her jovial spirit. Just because of her, I was unwilling to change the ratings.  
  
P/s: Does anyone know what's gonna happen in the next chappie?? I.e. does anyone know what Chihiro thought of?? If you do, please write to me, I'll give you a prize!!!! (yes, you can take my elephant plushie with 'haku' written on it's belly OR request for something, I'll see if I can do it!!! ^_^)  
  
Haru-Chan 


	7. Chapter VII : If You

If You  
  
It's been three weeks - Three long arduous weeks, since I last saw him. I've nearly lost hope if it wasn't for Haku's parting words. "_If we don't meet again, if you don't see me ever, never forget. Our love is that of the eternal kind. It sees neither end nor beginning. It exists forever._"  
  
And I believe him. I know I always will.  
  
I will hold onto his words, cling to them, embrace them and let them flow through me each time I lose hope. Because love's sustenance is, and always will be, hope.  
  
**_Open the door _**

_**To a room **_

**_I've never been before_**  
  
Grasping Haku's lock of hair to my heart, I opened my palm and looked adoringly at it. I could still recall our parting just before he disappeared into the pond.  
  
_He gazed deep into my eyes, probing and entering my soul, taking his rightful place in the deep recesses of my heart. Then, he pulled out a golden-hilted dagger and cut off a lock of his hair, offering it to me.  
  
"A part of me, is always with you."  
  
Taking his dagger, I mirrored his actions, placing a lock of my coal- colored hair onto his upturned palm. After which, I raised my hand, and cupped his cheek, whispering softly to him.  
  
"Now I'm yours."  
  
He smiled gently in reply, whispering back.  
  
"As I am yours."_  
  
Choking back a sob at the tender memory, I clutched onto the lock as though it were a lifeline, desperately reminding myself of the hope I could not allow myself to forget.  
  
"Oh Haku."  
  
**_Counting all the books _**

_**I've read so long **_

**_Something is wrong where love has gone_**  
  
There I sat, in the same spot I sit everyday during lessons, drinking in my favorite sights and sound. Stealing glances at the pond beyond the classroom window, I tried my best to keep my attention where it was supposed to be - at the teacher.  
  
I sighed. How did everything seem to return to normal so quickly?  
  
It seemed like hardly a day has passed since Haku came to the garden to visit me. Yet now, three weeks, fifteen days had gone by and still, I am by myself.  
  
Smiling to myself, I remembered how my parents had panicked when I returned. The tears of relief in my mother's eyes and the bear hug I had received from my burly father would forever remain etched in my memory. It was only then that I confirmed my decision to return home. As much as I felt tied to the Spirit World, I knew my place would always be here, with my parents, with my roots.  
  
Resting my chin on my palm, I thought back to the excuse I had given my parents for my absence. Apparently, telling them that I decided to go camping in the middle of the night was not as unreasonable an explanation as I had originally thought it to be. Perhaps relief was clouding their senses?  
  
"Ogino san! Will you please pay attention??" My head shot up from the relaxed position I had fell into as I sat up straight, looking right into the glaring eyes of my History teacher, the very same on that had reprimanded me for my wandering attention weeks ago.  
  
Groaning amidst the wave of giggles once more, I nodded my head and apologized to the teacher.  
  
Satisfied with my apology, she turned back to the board continuing with her lesson, allowing my mind to wander back to the pond outside once more.  
  
'Haku, are you out there?'  
**_  
If I should cry _**

**_Thinking of the love I felt inside_**  
  
Crouching at the edge of the pond, I peered into the depths of the crystal clear water, trying to look for signs of his presence - there was none. Taking the pieces of bread from the plastic bag I had packed this morning, I threw the crumbs into the pond, feeding the inhabitants there. Maybe if they were well fed, Haku would find it easier to inhabit the pond alongside them? I was rather unclear about the specifics, but I tried my best to help him.  
  
_"A pond?" Zeniba's eyebrows shot up quizzically. "You named a pond after Haku you say?"  
  
Seeing my nod of assent, the wise Spirit paused for a moment before replying.  
  
"Technically, there should be no problem. The pond being a water entity, and Haku a river spirit, there should be no complications for him to inhibit the pond as his new 'shell'. Especially since you've named it after him, the pond should accept him as its rightful Spirit master. But. it has never been tried before. I cannot say if it would definitely work. You must be prepared for the worst."_  
  
Wiping the tears of despair from my eyes, I tried my best to smile, holding onto the frail hope. The path of love was never smooth. I would not allow myself to give up now. While Haku is there, fighting to dominate and prevail, I would be up here, cheering him on, believing in the strength of our love.  
  
**_Don't misunderstand nothing's the clue _**

_**I cry for you **_

**_Cause of love its true_**  
  
"Ogina-san!" My classmate, Mika called out to me. Standing up from my vigil next to the pond, I turned to her and smiled questioningly.  
  
Seeing that as an encouragement, she came up to me pleading. "Could you take over my duty to sweep the floor today? Please? It's Friday and I have a date with my boyfriend." She trailed off, uncertainty lacing her tone and it was no wonder. I had the reputation of being a rather aloof person, having my head in the clouds half of the time. No one dared to call me by my name or approach me willingly, and I could not really care less.  
  
Deciding to be something different today, I nodded. "But only this once."  
  
Mika's eyes widened. I am sure she was prepared to do more pleading and cajoling, thinking it was impossible for me to give in that easily. Stunned for a minute, she regained her senses and gave me a wide grin.  
  
"Arigatou!"  
  
Seeing her retreating form, I turned back to the pond, smiling gently at it.  
  
"I guess it'll just be you and me, Haku."  
  
**_When does love _**

**_Speak words above evolving pain_**  
  
Picking up the broomstick, I proceeded to sweeping the floor. The rest of the students who were on duty had long finished their duty, scurrying off with their friends or with their significant other. I had long since resigned myself to my self-imposed lonely state.  
  
When I had just entered the new school, I knew that I was different from the other students. It was not that I was from a city and they from a small town; it was the difference of experience - the difference spanning the length, depth and width of the Spirit World. As much as some of the students glared at me, claiming me to be arrogant, I was anything but. I just recognized our differences.  
  
Still, I never felt lonely.  
  
How could I? When I had the love of so many people filling my heart, warming it, giving me the strength to face each new day with a smile.  
**_  
Like if these tears turn to rain _**

_**Endlessly calming the sea **_

**_For you and me_**  
  
I took my time sweeping the floor, wanting to spend as much time in school as I could. Everyday, I would be one of the last students to leave the school, preferring to remain until the last minute possible. Haku was here, and it made it all the more right, to be where he was, to be close to him. I know that he would not turn up anytime soon, but just to be in the same place, to be breathing the same air made it all the better.  
  
Smiling to myself, I started singing. I knew my voice was nothing spectacular, but I found it a wonderful way to express myself.  
  
"If you're so cold / If world's just hold / If you want to lean / I'm here for you / So If you."  
  
Stopping my sweeping for a moment, I wiped the sweat from my brow, giving myself a short break. Then, I noticed my phone vibrating. Who would call me at this hour?  
  
"Chihiro-chan?" Mom's voice rang out from the other end of the phone line. "Your father and I are going out for his company dinner, so why don't you get some dinner on your way home? We'll be home late, so don't wait up for us ok?"  
  
After giving her my assent, I hung up, placing the phone in the front pouch of my bag. It was only then that I realized something was amiss. I searched through my bag, emptying it of its contents. Yet I could not find it. Strange, I could have sworn I replaced back into my pocket earlier.  
  
Frantically, I searched throughout the entire classroom, practically tearing it apart. Where had I been? Where could I have left it? By this time, I had turned desperate. It was my last reminder of Haku, I took it everywhere with me, how could I have misplaced it? Taking a deep breath, I thought back to the places that I have been before, going through the list of places where I might have left it. Still, I drew a blank.  
  
The pond!  
  
Sprinting out, I reached the pond, and started my search for the lock of Haku's hair. Not long after, I found it. How could I have missed it? There, lying on the grass, where it had always been.  
  
Picking it up, I cradled it like the fragile precious treasure that it was. Giving a sob of relief, I held it close to me, simply grateful that I had not lost the last memory of my love.  
  
**_Close the door _**

**_'Cause the room won't need us anymore_**  
  
Thinking back about how close I was to losing it, to losing Haku once more, I shuddered involuntarily. Oh how I wished that he were here to comfort me, like he had done so long ago.  
  
"Haku, why are you so far away?" I sobbed. "Why must we always fight so hard to be together?"  
  
**_Holding our words_**

**_Just fill those books_**  
  
"Why can't we just love like normal people? Just fall in love like it was an ordinary occurrence? Just be together like nothing can tear us apart?"  
**_  
Sometimes love looks _**

**_Like if love has gone_**  
  
Gazing blearily into the pond, I noticed a shadow that was not there before. Blinking until the tears in my eyes unclouded, I realized it was the reflection of a person.  
  
It was a man with dark colored hair, and eyes, emerald eyes, filled with pain, anguish, trust, hope, and above all, love.  
  
Staring wonderingly at it, I could not believe my eyes. Could it be.?  
  
Turning around slowly so as not to alarm the person, and to give myself some time, I stood up.  
  
He looked the same. He had the same smile, that gentle smile which always made me feel so at ease and at peace with myself. He wore the same clothes that he had worn from the Spirit World, but I knew that he no longer belonged there. He belonged here, with me.  
  
Taking a few steps towards me, he stopped in front of me and raised his hand to wipe the tears from my eyes.  
  
I smiled through my tears, reveling the feeling of his touch once more. Yes, it brought the same comfort that it always had before.  
**_  
So I won't cry _**

**_Now I know our love will never die_**  
  
Haku took the lock of his hair from me, and threw it into the pond. Startled at his actions, I looked questioningly at him. "You have me now" was his reply.  
  
It was only then, that it finally dawned on me that Haku was truly here to stay. Flinging my arms around his neck, I held him tightly, whispering fiercely into his ear.  
  
"And you have me. So don't you dare go running around anymore!"  
  
All I got in reply was his lips on mine.  
  
And that was enough.  
  
**_If I understand the reasons why _**

_**When you... if I and you... **_

**_Know that love is true_**  
  
Author's Note:  
  
Yeah!!!! 6 pages in one morning! It's a record! ^_^  
  
I'm sure some people are wondering why on earth is the POV Chihiro's and not Haku (considering that I normally alternate between the two) and the answer is simple: it's more fun from Chihiro's POV. Haku would just be in the pond; trying to conquer the pond itself, while Chihiro is living her life best she can, as normal as she can. I think it takes a lot of courage on her part to go on. I do realize that it's strange suddenly going on about her past. I.e. the part where she talks about being an outcast in school, but it's just brought in to show her strength and how much she depends on the love of the inhabitants of the Spirit world to sustain her. That's the main point I want to make - you don't need a lot of friends, all you need are some who are willing to go all out for you and be your strength. So here marks the official end of 'Name'. While I still have an Epilogue to write, this is the part where everyone can take a breather (me included) and no cliffhangers! Oh yeah, the wonderful song on this fic is 'If You' from Escaflowne.  
  
To my reviewers: Queen of Hearts: Thanks ever so much for all your reviews! You cannot imagine how much they boosted my ego, and my confidence! Love ya! Don't kill me, cos this idea works! Chihiro is one smart gal ya? ^_^ I love FY too! Tried to put the song 'Wakatte Ita Hazu' but it didn't really feel as good as this song, tell me what you think of this song k? Once more, Thank you so much!  
  
Cherryblossom419: Thank you for your appreciation of my style. I'm glad you like it. I was told that it was too dreary at some point; hope that you enjoyed it nonetheless!  
  
Siren: That was always my interpretation. I've always believed that humans were made for this world, not the other way around. The world is always more powerful than any injury we can conjure up. It has it's own strength to carry on without us. Maybe one day we'll truly learn that. That is why I don't believe that without Haku protecting the river; it could so easily give in to us. ^_^ Great minds think alike ne?  
  
Laeta: Does this answer your question? I tried to make it so people could understand what was going on, yet not make it so obvious. Please tell me if I've confused you! Thanks for the note on the names, but since Rin/Lin/Rheen does not make an appearance here, I could not put your suggestion to play. ^_^ btw, you're Korean? That's so cool!  
  
Dark fire angel: thanks for the review, you've really given me a great deal of encouragement! Please tell me what you think of this chapter!  
  
Catgirl Rahen: A rather interesting name, ne? Give me some suggestions for the Epilogue ok? Arigato!  
  
Christina: I'm glad that my little fic has touched you. It's wonderful, knowing that it can touch you in some way. I think that my job as an author has been fulfilled somehow by that knowledge. Thank you so much!  
  
Little Dragon: Thanks for your encouragement throughout my entire fic. It's simply wonderful to have someone push me and cheer me on - esp. when I was lost. There were times I really wanted to give up on this fic, but I'm certainly glad I didn't. This baby wouldn't have made it if it weren't for people like you. Thank you ever so much. M(_)M  
  
Akiya Arimoto: This happens! ^_^ Hope this is what you've been hoping for! If not, look out for more mush in the Epilogue!  
  
Amanda: Thanks for letting me know how much I've touched you. It's great knowing that I have the ability to do so. I'm certainly looking forward to your work, so please come up with something soon! Drop me a note if you need my help! ^_^  
  
Steahl: Well, technically.. it's not really a fountain ^_^ but you're close enough! Although you won't be getting the prize.. heh thanks nonetheless for your review!!!!!!  
  
Lotusneko: Lotus Neko? Errr... Lotus cat??? Anyway, I kinda knew that it was getting whiny, but I just wanted to get on with the story, so I didn't really bother to change. Bad BAAAAD Haruko!!! ^_^ Hope you find this fic a liiitle better ne? Thank you for that great review, it really made me sit down and think about what it was that I wanted to write. I doubt it would turn out this way if you hadn't review. Arigato. And yes, I had the chance to watch Princess Mononoke and one thing that stuck out the most is the way Ashitaka (is that the correct spelling?) managed to forge a future amidst the struggles surrounding the people. Everyone was stuck where they were; it was as though they had to choose - Mankind or nature. Yet he believed, and kept on believing that they could merge. Perhaps, one day we'll find that path too.  
  
Chrissy: Don't worry about not knowing the answer, to be honest, it was only after I wrote the.. 3rd or 4th chapter that the ending kinda dawned on me. ^_^ Keep reviewing!!!!!  
  
( : Hope your obsession doesn't end anytime soon! Keep reading, and keep reviewing! Thank you so much for it!  
  
To the not-so-competition competition on the answer to Chihiro and Haku's problem, there's only one winner who would walk away with the plushie, unfortunately, but that winner is a reader who has been faithfully following 'Name' and is such an avid reader that he/she noted the little details and in doing so, caught the answer. That winner is.. -drum rolls- LITTLE DRAGON!!!!!!!!! -hands little dragon the plushie- Omedeto!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!  
  
To everyone who reads and reviews, and even to those who don't; thank you so much for your encouragement and support. Without which, 'Name' would never have taken off so well. I still recall the days when few would read and review this fic, making me so upset =( but I'm glad that the situation has improved. ^_^ Chihiro and Haku never dies, and their story lives on in each of us. Never forget that. So to the readers: Keep reading and reviewing, it is only through you that their story is told, relished and admired. To the budding writers: Keep writing. If you have the intention of just simply telling a story, you can never go wrong.  
  
'Til the Epilogue! Haru-chan 


	8. Epilogue : I know how the River feels

**Disclaimer: The only thing I can share with you, are these words, because they're the only thing that belongs to me. The song, 'I know how the River feels' belongs to Clay Aiken, the record company, etc.**

I know how the River Feels – Epilogue

  
  


**Then:**

  
  


_They say for everyone,   
there's that certain one   
Out there, somewhere _

  


**She:**

Love. A simple word that embodies every feeling, every emotion, every thought that I have towards him. People would scoff at me for the vapid smile on my face every time he's on my mind, for the girlish giggles that threaten to break through when he smiles at me, or how I still get weak-kneed just by the brush of his lips against mine. 

But I know that these only means one thing – _I'm in love_. 

It only means that for every bad day I'm having, there's someone to make it better, for every sad thing that happens to me, there's someone to make me happy, that for all the terrible things that happens outside, there's someone waiting for me to go home.

  
  


_I'd been looking hard,   
searching every heart _

  


  


**He:**

Sometimes I'd still shudder at the thought that I had nearly given up on us. To think that I had ran back to the Spirit World and slammed myself against another wall of my self-imposed unhappiness. I was going to let go, to release my hold on her, to _lose her_. That thought in itself was such pain which I never wanted to encounter ever again.

  
  


_Getting nowhere _

  
  


There was a time I wouldn't tell her of my life in the bath house without her. She never asked, but I knew that it was something she was dying to know. Chihiro wanted the knowledge not for curiosity's sake, but to know how it affected and changed me. Because in her own selfless way, she wanted to protect me from my memories.

What she did not know, was that it was something I didn't wish to share because I wanted the memory to die a painless and anonymous death, that with every spirit that entered, something was taken out of me. It robbed me of my dignity and my pride as a River God. Every time I had to serve Yubaba, every mission I was given was a reminder of what I had given up, of what I had lost - an integral part of myself. 

Ashamed of my own weakness, I never wanted to remember again.

  
  


_Didn't know I was making   
my way to you _

  


  


  


But now, after having Chihiro by my side, my confidante, my strength, my love, I no longer felt shamed or anger at my years there. It was only now that I realize the Bath House was never a station in my life. I took the train there, but it was only a mere step closer to the one I was really looking and waiting for. _Chihiro_. 

I was merely biding my time, growing stronger, becoming a better person for the woman that I was to dedicate my life to. 

I was waiting for her.

  
  


_Now I know how the river feels   
When it reaches the sea_

  


  


**She:**

Sometimes, I wish that I could read Haku's mind. I love him, and I'd give up my identity for him, but there were times when I could never truly understand him. Like now for instance, he's sitting next to me, his fingers woven in mine as though they've been there for eternity, but his mind is a thousand miles away, probably somewhere in the bath house, in the place where he lost something, something he can never retrieve. The thought that he might still be in pain because of me, because of my stubbornness in wanting to be with me...

_I just want to be with him_.

  
  


_And finally finds the place   
It was always meant to be _

  
  


**She:**

"... Haku?" Her voice trembled in uncertainty. After all this while, she was still hesitant, still worried. And for that, I could never stop blaming myself. Why was it that _I_, a River God, a being that has lived for five thousand odd years, with wisdom beyond human comprehension, could not even bring peace to the woman I love beyond all reason?

"Hai?"

"What... what are you thinking of?" 

The tentative tone she took merely served to pain me more. Didn't she realize that she's all I want and need? Why does she still worry?

My silence might have unnerved her, but I was only trying to piece my thoughts together, to formulate an answer to a question that has long since eluded me.

"Haku," her voice soft and lulling, the peace that I've been waiting for. "Are you unhappy here? Do you wish to be back at the Bath house? I know you miss it there, you prefer the Spirit Wo-"

  
  


_Holding fast, home at last   
Knowing the journey's through _

  
  


My body weakened as I hung onto Haku for support. This kiss was unlike any other that we have ever shared. Our previous ones were soft, gentle and slow, a whisper of things to come, and dreams waiting to be dreamt... But this one was unyielding, fierce, filled with a passion I never fathomed existed in the Haku I knew. It reminded me that as much as Haku was the being I was in love with, that as much as he was pliant and docile with me, he was still very much a God. He was a being that transcended my imagination, that was, simply put, _beyond me_. And yet... yet, he loves me. 

  
  


_Lying here with you   
I know how the river feels _

  
  


For once, all the doubts that tainted my mind vaporised into thin air. If it weren't for the fact that my mind was in a haze, I'd have wondered what possessed me to harbour all those doubts.

  
  


_Miles of loneliness,   
now makes perfect sense _

  
  


**He:**

As she clutched onto me, I poured all my emotions and reassurance into the kiss. No words I say would ever suffice, so why not allow my actions to speak the primitive language of Love?

Leaning back, I allowed myself to enjoy the glazed look in her eyes, all the while tempted to bite back the smirk that threatened to spill over to my face. At the risk of sounding completely chauvinistic and getting bopped on the head by the strong and beautiful woman in my arms, I whispered fierecely into her ear.

"You're mine."

Completely unfazed by my declaration, her eyes softened at the emotions displayed clearly in my eyes, tugging at the lapels of my collar as she replied.

"Only as much as _you_ are _mine._"

I grinned at the hint of steel in her tone. _That_ was the Chihiro I knew and fell in love with. How could she ever doubt me?

"I love you, you know?" I couldn't help but confess, looking into those dark orbs always had that effect on me. "I've been spending so many years alone, so many _thousand _years waiting for someone I didn't know... realised..."

  
  


_Here beside you   
Tears like water fall,   
it was worth it all _

  


  


  


**She:**

"... It was you, it was always you. So don't say that I never want to be with you, or that I'm tired of being in this world with you. It's only being _without_ you that scares me. It scares me beyond belief... don't leave me."

  


My eyes misted over at his words, those words that never failed to touch my core. He was the one who I was waiting for. _He_ was the one I need.

  


"Ha-Haku... atashi mo..." I choked out the words, not trusting my voice to make them sound right, but needing, all the same, for him to hear them and know that they are true. 

  


His hands came up to my face, wiping the stray tears that found their way down my cheeks. 

  


"You know I hate it when you cry, especially if it's for me." 

  


Haku's gentle admonishing got lost in a whole fresh onslaught of tears that overflowed. This only caused him to get even more flustered as he kissed my cheeks while wiping my tears and whispering soft endearments that would sound altogether too sweet for someone of his regal bearing. But to me, they were perfect, _he _was perfect. 

  


Sighing to myself, I embraced him, finding my favourite spot on his shoulder as I revealed to him another truth.

  


"Girls cry for the one they love."

  


  


_Just to find you   
And yours are the last arms   
I'll run to _

  


  


We were married that summer. The wedding was something rather simple, but unforgettable. Filled with warmth and love, just the way Haku and I wanted it to be, as we shared it with the people who mattered.

  


And yes, I even invited my History teacher.

  


  


  


**Now:**

  


  


  


_Now I know how the river feels   
When it reaches the sea _

  


  


  


**He:**

It's hard, remembering the time when she was away from me, the time when I was without the knowledge that out there, in this crazy universe, there was someone, just for me. For as long as I can think back, ever since I was made into existence, I was alone. That was why the bath house was always full. 

  


Because even Gods get lonely.

  


Her hand squeezed mine as she glanced at me, a questioning look in her eyes. _What are you thinking?_

  


Lowering my head to meet hers, I answered her. _Only of you._

  


  


_And finally finds the place   
It was always meant to be _

  


  


**She:**

Smiling at the familiar loss in strength at his kiss, I leaned into him, drawing support from his lean frame. 

  


In the horizon, thunder clouds were brewing, but I wasn't afraid. For once, no storm or clouds could strike fear in my heart. 

  


I never knew that one could be such a lonely number until I met Haku.

  


Kissing him back with all the fervour and passion that lay in my heart, I held onto him tighter, unwilling to let go of him, even for a minute, now that I've found my home in his heart.

  


  


_Holding fast, home at last   
Knowing the journey's through _

  


  


**He:**

As she grabbed me in a vice-like grip, I couldn't help but release a groan. She always had that effect on me. My little goddess. Placing my forehead against hers as we released for air, I felt my heart fill with so much emotions that it could burst. _Kamisama's gift to me. _

  


"Haku?" Her voice broke me out of my reverie.

  


"Hai?" Concern tinged my answer as she wearily leaned against me. "Are you alright? Are you in pain?"

  


Reaching my hand out to her, I worriedly turn her around as I took my arms, hooked her by her shoulder and knees and carried her. 

  


"I'll get you to the doctor Chihiro, just hang on."

  


I knew I was losing my cool and getting flustered, but this was Chihiro we were talking about, I couldn't be tormented more by the thought of her in agony.

  


All I got as a reply was her hand delivering me numerous swats on the head.

  


"Baka!" Swat. "Haku!" Swat. "I'm" Swat. "FINE!!" Swatswatswat.

  


"... ara? Then why do you seem tired?"

  


Muttering curses under her breath, she explained to me her predicament.

  


"What?" Did I hear her right?

  


"You're going... mou! I'm pregnant!"

  


She's.... she's....

  


  


_Lying here with you _

  


  


**She:**

Haku in pain, Haku upset, Haku angry, Haku filled with sorrow, apathetic Haku... I've seen all these sides of him, but never _never_ have I seen Haku act so happy that he's literally jumping up and down, swinging me around. 

  


"I'm going to be a father! I'm going to be an otousan!!!"

  


I laughed along with Haku as he kissed me over and over again, overwhelmed by the new title about to be bestowed upon him. 

  


I can see it. Haku playing with our child, teaching him or her lessons of life. He would make such a wonderful father. So gentle, so warm, so loving... My eyes teared up once more as I realised that all this while, I was running around, trying to give happiness to Haku through so many means, that all he really needed from me was love.

  


And now, he was given the ultimate gift of love.

  


  


_I know how the river feel _

  


  


**He:**

Love. I never thought I would ever experience, much less understand, it. But sitting here with the one woman I love, waiting for another bundle of joy, I suddenly recalled the words I uttered so many months before : _I only want to be with her... I only want to love her..._

  


Love. A lesson spanning five millenias, fate and destiny my teacher, a test stretching a decade, and the result as well as the ultimate prize? Chihiro's heart. 

  


Love. Five millenias ago, it was merely a word, five millenias later, it has become a simple word that embodies every feeling, every emotion, every thought that I have towards her.

  


Love. The only thing she can offer, but it's already enough. 

  


~Owari~

  


  


  


AN: Any complaints about the story? I'm considering writing another one, but this one is terribly draining. I was considering starting another story, but I told myself that I owed it to all my reviewers and readers to finish this one first. 

Do forgive me for my tardiness, school and this major life-changing exam called the 'A' Levels got in the darned way. I do realize that the style might be different, after all, the hiatus did take a long time, so if this sounds rather jarring, please forgive me, I couldn't get into the same mood as before. It's so hard! =sobs=

Oh yes, and the line 'girls cry for the ones they love' is shamelessly borrowed from Fushigi Yuugi. Don't say I'm stealing without acknowledgement!

  


To my Darling reviewers:

  


**Miss Da Qiao**: I was really tempted to use your song! I really was! But I found Clay Aiken's one, and it just spoke to me. And when a song like that speaks to you, you damn well _listen_ to it!! Please forgive me, let me know how I've done k? ^_^ 

  


**Card-Master**: Now who's judging who? Write! All I found I really needed to write, is passion. Really, sounds cliché and moronic, but it's true! However, side effects include withdrawal symptoms after completing a mini-epic, and delirium. Proceed with caution.

  


**Oh-are-aye-en-gee-ee**: Oh my goodness! The name! Hopefully this chapter is to your liking as well. I'm not good in fluff, considering I have an obsession with angst. Terrible withdrawal symptoms you understand, but let me know what you think about this ok? Thanks!

  


**A fan**: marriage? Check. A child? Check. Wow. You've really read my mind! I just love it when such romantic and happy stuff happens, especially in my fics, it's like seeing my babies grow up and leave the nest. -gets teary eyed-

  


**Lli**: You cried? We should get together sometime and cry over these stuff together. I'im getting weepy too! Hopefully this chapter wouldn't spoil your tear ducts too much cos it ain't s'pose to be sad! Let me know your thoughts on this!

  


**Adam 'Sexy Boy' Laurent**: -chortles- you've got a cute nick! ^_^ Well, if you asked Little Dragon I'm sure she'd share the plushie with you! Admit it! You like it! Alright, alright, I'm being idiotic. This is the end of my fic, it's been a pleasure having you review it, thanks so much.

  


**Andiavas**: I remember, even after all these months, you're one of the few readers who stuck with me throughout the entire fic, so this really belongs to you as much as it does to me. Thank you for your support throughout the entire journey, it's been tough, and we've hit some rough patches, but to see this baby through is a dream come true. So here's to the end of the fic, and here's to you, maybe we can start on another journey real soon, I'll be waiting.

  


**Laeta**: -blushes- to be honest, I didn't realize that liiiittle detail until I re-read my story all over again. Heh, so that detail, upon which the entire story and happy ending hinges upon was really.... a wonderful coincidence. So what's the moral of the story kids? PLAN!

  


**Cherryblossom419:** Thank you for your wonderful support and kindness, it's wonderful to be appreciated and encouraged as I was writing. Do let me know how you find the epilogue, I'm so worried it's a let-down.

  


**QueenofHearts3**: I was never really that satisfied with my ending, 'not enough fluff' I'd say. So here's the answer to 'what happens next?' and tell me if the amount of 'kawaii-ness' and 'fluff' is enough to whet your appetite!! I'd also like to express my gratitude for your undying support throughout my entire fic, it would have never been the same without you, it's reviewers like you that pushes me to the keyboard and never give up on this fic. Thank you so much for your encouragement. 

  


**Silent teardrops**: Man, what a sorrowful name. Poetic, but sad. Anyway, I hope that you find this chapter anything but sad, as I took great pains to make it happy! 

  


**Kyo-Terayashi**: Good? You like it!?? Yippee!!!! -does the victorious dance- You make me so happy! How's this one? How's this one?? -bounces around-

  


**Vic87**: 1) thanks for the compliments about the songs. People rarely notice them, as they tend to be overlooked as merely a 'prop'. An insult at times, but it's warming to know that you appreciate my efforts in finding those darned songs. Whether I write around the songs, or find the songs around the words, it's actually a mixture of both really. To find the songs that has the general feel, and then navigate from there.

  


2) More details and subplots? You're right, I could've done that, it's just that I was having so much trouble with the plot itself! Man, you can't imagine how long it took_ me, the darned author_ to realize that loophole about the pond. In fact, I didn't even realize the pond was the key to the entire plot until the 5th chapter or something. Sigh, so major planning for the next fic, and yeah, I intend to make an epic out of it! So please help me with that!

3) Tell me what you think about this chapter! The monkeys are on strike, so it's just me, and I'm not very good at this!

**Goddess LD: **Is this soon enough? Lol

  


**Shi Maxwell:** How's this? I'm hoping to top last chapter's sweetness!

  


**Little Dragon:** How's Daddy? Did I return him soon enough? Heh, I mentioned you here! Although it's so small, it's almost the same as not mentioning! How's the plushie? Don't forget to bring it out to play every now and then!

  


**Georgia**: Hope this chapter is cause for more celebrations!

  


**Fame'n'fortune**: I hope you find the epilogue as good as well, it's pretty nerve-wrecking since I haven't touched this fic for a looong time. Do review!

  


To all my previous reviewers who didn't review on chapter 7 [**Aeris Tsukiyono, Xellina-san, Morrigan/Norroi, James Birdsong, obsessed, chocolate lover, Beserker Nightwitch, Quisty-mun, Rei 26, SpelCastrMax, Yumiko, Dog Girl, Merayna, Sun girl, LOTUSNEKO, Violet Emeralds, Mrs. Les Demondes, kohaku+chihiro4eva, Steahl, Crimson Rogue, Arella 1, Serenity Winner, obsession171, Masti Vain, BJ4, Aki, blubber, Dark fire angel, blackunicorn, Raye-Rei, Shi Maxwell, tursi, KASEY99, Merayna, Dakki, Dark Akumu, Jo-Ryan Salazar, siren, Christina, amanda, :)**]: Why didn't you review??? Seriously though, thank you for your humongous amount of support. This is the last stop, please alight, but board Nigihayami Haruko Mass Epic Tales later on alright? ^_^ Domo Arigatou!

  


To the readers who have never touched that liiiittle button below before: Thank you for reading my fic, the journey has come to an end, but do support me when I embark on a new one!


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